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On MODIfying, Developing and Changing INDIA

There was a country, a country of spirited and adept men, finding itself in the path of recovery from the heavy blows of imperialistic pas...

Monday, September 27, 2010

My posts these days,reflect my moods which had pre-occupied me sometime earlier.Its better that way, when i write about stuff after i get over or after i let go the steam simply coz  my presentation will be less intense.Wat to do?. I'm bit emotional and impulsive some times(?).Perhaps I have that restraint to keep everything inside the four walls of my heart.When i wrote the last one,i went overboard (just a little :P) just to desperately make myself cheered up and to deviate myself from bothering or pondering  over things that goes around.And now i am writing about one of that stuff which bothered me few days back..And let me start without boring you any further...

I have to start this one with one of my usual grumble, that the things flood into my life and they prove overwhelming .Cut-short,(here it goes) Why the heck things are always in the extremes in life?.This time what suffocated and led me to that was Death.More precisely,death slash suicide. Probably you don't really wanna hear these words and never continuously you want them to be resonating in your ears reminding you that someone who was with you or someone who you know is dead.How one feels  is hardly explicable in words.That too when death was chosen and embraced with open arms.

Frankly, this is not the kind of topic i would like to talk a lot about.Only thing what i can say is that suicide is the first and last resort of a coward that too a foolish mindless coward .If you ask me there is nothing in the world that one can kill himself  for.Yes there are things to die for i mean few things that you can risk your life and fight for something and get killed.Once again there are only very few things like honor,country and right principles etc etc.Other than that nothing is worth dieing for.In a way,killing someone is better than getting oneself killed. Murderer tag won't be that bad than a coward tag or an idiot tag.

What those people forgot is the fact that nobody is gonna give a damn if  they kill themselves.It might be cynical but that is the hard brutal truth .The loser will be the one who dies not the others.Surely his friends and relatives and their parents will miss them and feel for them.But for how long?.A friend might get struck for your loss for a week or a month and he will move on.His parents might curse themselves to have seen their son dead and feel dejected for two months or three months or may be a year but they too have to/will move on.Coz they have one more kid to look after.They will be remembered on death anniversaries and will be missed in some occasions. Thats all.Nobody is gonna die along with you when you die,everybody has their bloody hell business.

People who know this won't even think about such ridiculous ideas like suicide.More over if someone/  something makes you unhappy and depressed its just better to hang on and wait for one's time and then screw those people back.Thats where the real fun is.There are only two things that can avoid such stupid things.One,you have to have someone who you speak your heart out.It might be a friend,your mom,your brother,your colleague,your sister or anybody for that matter.Two,one should have a confidence or hope in life or else at least a smug arrogance that says nothing or nobody can make me feel small.

Many times when i had thought about people taking this hard decision of ending their lives, one thing always (for a very long time) intrigued me.From where do they get the courage to end their life?.I mean when i think about death or what death would be like i really get scared to death.This fear had led me to read on subjects like life after death,death-bed experiences,re-incarnation etc etc.The fear is due to the fact that after death you don't feel anything,you don't/can't think,You are not even aware of yourself.You unite with the unknown ever prevailing darkness synonymous to sleep where you don't feel anything.Simply there is no identity to you and there is no YOU.I don't think a hell or heaven is waiting for us after one dies and we don't know what happen to us after death.But contrary to that, as someone said May be Earth is some other planets hell and the question is which hell we go to after we die.

Besides the fear of what happens after death or where you go, i feel disgusting  when i have to  leave all the loved ones.I may not be a best son to call my parents every week,i may not be a best friend to catch up or visit my friend every month and i may not be a best brother to be a nice and never-quarreling sibling.But still i hate to leave these people that too forever.I may be a bit retarded,not to be the way i should be as a son or a friend or a brother but that doesn't justify that i can live without them.Even though people don't see their loved ones daily they don't bother much coz they know the fact that their loved one is happy even though they are not  with them.There is a difference between somebody dead and somebody living elsewhere happily out of sight.I am quite okay with living out of sight but never out of world.I wonder what makes someone overlook all the above fears of unknown and fear of departure when killing himself.

I end up convincing my mind that "May be a good night's sleep that we experience everyday is a dress rehearsal for death".But oddly my power booster is sleep and at times i hate the world when i have to get out of the bed.What ever it is I don't believe in hell or heaven when i think with my rational mind and i don't wanna think about this anymore.At very young age when i was like 13 or 14 these kinda questions comes to my mind.That is the age which explores and tries to understand the world right?.When this question of death arrives i think hard about that and i get puzzled with everything that i shared above and finally end up having a headache desperately needing sleep.Well that is not exactly happening now i am not in the verge of getting headache and all.But before it can happen let me end it here.....Coz this is not something that i cherish talking long about.....


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