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On MODIfying, Developing and Changing INDIA

There was a country, a country of spirited and adept men, finding itself in the path of recovery from the heavy blows of imperialistic pas...

Friday, January 14, 2011

 What decides our life?.Nobody knows.some say it is god,others say our karma. Also argued that it is in our hands to make the life go in the direction we want it to go.  But above all what exactly decides life is the choice we make. Choices!!!They have the power to change the course of life altogether. 
The room was pitch dark.  My eyes were fixed on the ceiling,gazing at the unknown darkness.  My body was lying on the bed motionless,almost qualified to be buried except for the steady inhalation of oxygen and 72 beats of my heart for every 60 secs.  My mind was lost in thoughts, processing data in supersonic speed.  I have to make a simple decision.I have to say,YES or NO.

Simple?...Not easy as it looks.  Probably, the most toughest decision one has to make, rather a girl has to make in her life.A right No can save one's life or a wrong yes can destroy it.  What do i say to him?.YES,would mean all the times i have spent with the books and the fun i had sacrificed is an utter non-sense. But what would a NO result in.I did not have a clue.  Will that create more space between us?.

Girls trouble guys always and they steal their sleep. Here,this moron has stolen my sleep. Why he puts me in a tight spot always and enjoys watching me struggle. This is the second time. First time,I said yes. Almost after making up mind to say no and finally falling for his charms. But i don't regret that. I won't,even in my next birth. He is one of a kind. If there is someone whom i want to slap and hug at the same time,it would be that fool. I was captivated by his charms -albeit hidden- the day he looked at me as if he is seeing a girl for the first time in his life. 

It happened when we were in college.I  furiously went-to ask him-"Do you know this new thing called decency?", after his relentless seeing-me-and-taking-his-eyes-off-when-i-look-him game. I already had enough stares in the bus that day coz of the dress my mom had chosen- nearly spending 4 hours- for me. And now this guy.

When the meters between our eyes vanished all i saw was.....An adorable innocence of a child...A glow as delightful and comforting as early morning sun on a winter day...Eyes as pure as a rain droplet falling straight from sky. Those eyes had been giving a gaze that had been copyrighted by Romeo once for Juliet. God,this stare makes me feel special,unlike bus stares.

 After two minutes,I was searching for the furiousness i had ..No use,it has vanished in air long back.  What to say  now ?.I settled on usual cliché of projects.  After the words escaped my mouth i felt stupid?..Hell..!!,i mumbled.  But the guy wouldn't give up.  He proved he is more stupid than me by blabbering and fumbling for words .It made me almost laugh. When i returned to my place my friend teased me “Looks like I’m going to see a love story live”.”Shut up stupid”,I said blushing, with a false anger.

After that incident,after that Copyrighted Romeo look i wanted to know more about him and whether he really meant what his eyes conveyed. I liked his presence. I was eager to know what kind of attempts would he make to vouch me I'm some one special for him and he is special for me. But the guy would not even talk  properly let alone make an attempt to flatter me. The curiosity turned into frustration after some days. I started minding my business. Amidst this, we would exchange a smile during the rarest of  encounters. For those brief seconds i will be bewitched as that day.  I liked that..I liked him unconsciously.

Two months after my college got over,i had to make the first important choice.  In the days of guys dieing for love why am i giving a damn to this stupid who would think a lot to talk itself.  I wanted to protect my ego and respect .Am i not a girl?.  I wanted to avoid him.  But the much i tried to forget,the more he surfaced out from my mind and stood before me now and then.

The reality was,i missed him badly.  I realized that when i went in search of him blindly-i never knew his home- with my friend, granting her wish of seeing a love story live.  Like a miracle we came across him in his neighborhood.  He seemed gleeful after seeing me but never took a step ahead.  I shot to high temper and flooded back to home .

There he posted the first question.  Do i need him for my life?.My mind wanted to say a big NO on that sleepless night.  But,did i say that?.  Nope,what i did was very different.I said yes.  But now?..Will that happen for second time?.. After sacrificing everything,should i give up my career too?..No..This time i will not allow him to influence me.I will stand my ground this time. I can't let this madness go.  Tomorrow is a special occasion. Perfect for us to talk it out.

With that resolve i gave rest to my eyes and slept off. Next morning i called him first thing from my desk phone after reaching office.  Guess what?.That stupid is still sleeping.  He is sleeping well after stealing my sleep. How unfair?.  I scheduled a meet on that evening...
All of us wear a mask. If not, wouldn't it be easy to find who is who?.Everyone of us wears one. A mask which hides our true identity. sometimes that mask will be rough and an arrogant one hiding the beauty of a true loving heart. Other times the mask can be completely adorable guarding and locking ugly dimensions.
I was late.  It took some time to choose the dress.After all, its a special occasion.I settled on the Blue salwar ,the one mom had chosen for me.He texted already.  I had to hurry.

Coffee day
6.10 PM
Found him in a corner table,sitting calmly like a saint in nonchalance,with his unique mask on. Yes!Softness, innocence are few of which form that mask. Underneath that mask is a real face .
"What is this?.Trying to impress me?",he teased eyeing my dress. There you go,the mask just starts to drop.I cursed myself for mistaking him for a calm guy when we first met.Now i know, he is a hell of a chatterbox. I countered his teases for few minutes with my remarks.His playfulness touched the tolerance level when he pretended  he did not remember the occasion. That attitude irked me. Tears were about to drown my eyes. Somehow i controlled.

He read my mind inside out,always does. He stood up and sat next to me,put his hand around my shoulder.Tried to pacify me and said he was kidding.
"Is this the way you treat your wife on the anniversary..???... Better go to hell...",I said nudging his hand.
“Doesn’t matter,i will take you with me.It would turn into heaven with the arrival of an angel”,he said.
“Who said I am coming with you.Stop this nonsense, alright?”.
“ Wow,2010 Indian wife.She wouldn’t accompany her husband. Am i in the land where a princess accompanied her husband to a terrible jungle?.Hey lady save some respect for your husband”,he said.
 See didn’t i say. Doesn’t the comparison with saint prove irrelevant now?.But wait,the mask has just cracked,not totally dropped yet.
“Well,Prince did not forget anniversary.He did not torture his wife.”,I said.
“Am i not a good husband?.You have to be fair. God,I don’t believe this.”
“From the place where you come from,does a guy who had not spoken to his wife for 10 days comes under good husband category?.May i know where are you from Mr.Vikram”.
“Well,Mrs.Vikram. The place,where i come from, doesn't teach to pretend.What would you expect, I was obviously upset”.
“Upset for not nodding my head?.Truth is you make everything go according to your wish.",I said.
"Can’t help.You have a wavering mind and fall for my charms easily.Not your mistake though. Girls always fall for handsome guys like me”,he said.
“Stop It.Else I will hurl this at you and break your head”,I said holding the glass jar in my hand.
“cool Baby. No violence. What's your problem now?.I am just kidding.Lets talk it out.”,he said.
“You are my problem.  To be like a stranger in my home and you minding your business ,as if nothing happened is my problem.”,I said.

“You still don’t understand it,genius.What do i gain by making you quit.You look disturbed sometimes after returning from work.Sometimes you shout for silly things which i doubt is coz of the pressure and stress”.
“Ohh..Really..Don’t you get disturbed.Don’t you get mad and yell in home for silly things?..”
“Yeah..I do..Thats why I don't want you to undergo that.Everyone knows what is life in corporate.Its not like going to an amusement park and coming back home happily.Its like returning from war charged down with wounds.Its my duty to protect you and with that only intention i suggested you to quit.”
“only intention?..I don’t believe..You manipulate my mind and make sure things go as you wish.You are a  real trickster.You are chauvinistic.”,I grumbled,spitting out all the anger i had inside.
“Honey,what you have in mind?.You must be the last person on earth to say I'm manipulative.",he sounded serious.
".........".I still maintained that angry look..
"Look,i apologize if it looks like I’am compelling.Idea of quitting was just a suggestion.I shouted,that day, only because of the way you spoke.Not for your denial to quit.We are not kids.We know this."
I expected him to make scenes,thought he will go mad.But not this.He continued,
" I missed you so badly,i missed our stupid talks and silly fights all these 10 days.I was little playful coz of that.Do i turn into a trickster for that?."
"...........".I was not able to answer him
In every relationship there is one most important thing needed.TRUST.Never make me feel that is lost between us.Not even for joke.Not even for a second.It hurts so badly." ,he said with his eyes gleaming with a mix of love and frustration and real anger.
It made me feel bad.I knew he was playing but why did i say such things suddenly.I felt ashamed.
"I'm so sorry.What i said was not fair,i know.",finally i said as gentle as possible.
"No,you don't have to be.Mistake is mine.Anybody would go mad if they are told what to do.Aren't we independent enough to decide for ourself ?".

"........".Performance started.He would steal the show now.The mask has been slowly dropping now.God,in reality i am the trickster here.I know exactly how to make that mask drop and i was doing that.
" Basic idea for asking you to quit is to give a responsibility that a girl only can take up.I wanted to honor you as I love you more than myself.",he said almost with his real face sans the mask.
"I don't know what is honor for a girl according to others.But to me, the ultimate honor for a girl is to be a lap that gives peace which can not be found in any sacred place.It is to be a shoulder that gives comforting support when the going gets tough.She becomes that lap..that shoulder.. when she becomes a homemaker. She is a mother for everyone including 3 year old child to a 70 year old elder in the family.You know what i mean?. I wanted you to be that mother".

I was completely swept off in that 5 minutes.I knew what my answer is going to be at the end of this.
"I never saw myself as a symbol of patience!!!.You know a lot on this.why don't you become one?.Must be very apt",I teased.

“No problem.Any fool can earn money.But its mighty hard to do what i said.Let me take that up if needed, its not difficult for me to charm you,Isn't it?.I am not like you to feel grumpy if i have to quit.For the record i hate this 9-hour job.There are more important things that i can do than getting glued to a seat in front of computer."
He continued,more like speaking to himself,"But you love your job.Right?.You are good at it too. You're way too intelligent .You have big dreams.If not how would you call a irresistible guy like me a trickster" he finished with a touch of sarcasm.
".........."i just smiled back without saying a word as if acknowledging his words.
"What ever,you are not quitting your job.Final decision.Regarding my resignation,its as you wish.Its high time i spent some time in home.",he said with the tongue in cheek.
"Don’t know how you ended up in this job.  Man,you got to be a politician.”, I told him after he had almost secured his win.Can't help,his charm really lies there.
Who said loosing is bad?...Some defeats are far more memorable and ecstatic than  huge victories..

We feasted dinner and decided to take a walk to home.That walk was the final romantic thing needed on anniversary and we took it.The cool breeze with the moonlight mixed in it brushed our faces.Suddenly he asked after some yards of silent walk.
"Hey,I always wanted to ask.How did you choose me?.To be frank you are way out of my league?",he asked.
"Ohhh!!.Thats huge.Is this coming out from Mr. Irresistible.You know to speak the truth too?..I never knew.",I mocked.
"Be serious.Guys use to queue up to see you in college days.Including guys who were better than me.How you chose me?.Else what made you to choose me?..What puzzles me more is a myth, pretty girls show a poor taste in selecting a guy.But you found someone good and handsome like me.How’s that?.",he asked.
"Who said.The myth is true.See my decision to marry a stupid like you.".
"shut up.You are the brainy one,i accept, but don’t call me stupid."
I smiled.
Silence embraced us.
I went to my zone.Time rolled back.
There i saw the tender eyes which i saw on the first day...I saw him proposing me..I heard the words"I love you more than myself" echoing...Then...This idea of being a mother to the whole family simply made me smile for third time in that two minutes. How sweet?.
Suddenly i stopped ...Ran into his arms...And found shelter there.
"Hey What happened",he was puzzled when i hugged him.
“I’m confused..I needed a hug”.
“Honey!I told you...Forget that quitting episode.”
“Its not that...”
"Do i call my manager now and say I'm quitting or do i directly submit my resignation in person tomorrow morning.I'm confused on that”...
“Darling you don’t have to..”
“To be a home maker is a honor”,i mimicked him,”Let me have my honor”.
“Majesty..As you wish”..He said..
".........".I was silent wearing a smile on my face.
"What"....,he probed seeing the smile.
"I love you"...I said as if i don't have mind when the words flowed out of my mouth without any thoughts. 
"I know"...He said in the same way i did. May be he was also in the same frequency in which I was in.
Perhaps thats how our soul speaks.
I stood there,full-moon lighting up the sky,with the most perfect guy-i could ever meet- with his real face sans the mask.
Nobody would like to loose. But if it is against him,i will loose.
Not once,but for 1000times in 1000 births.
Over and over,again and again.

My Notes:
A closer look @ THE CHOICE.

No surprises here..This should have been written at the end of the short story that i have tried (THE CHOICE). But the situation warranted a separate post.

To be candid I'm ashamed to write this one.As a writer(or a rather a blogger :P) one should not explain what he is trying to say.The creation should speak for itself.While blogging these notes might help as it aids in conveying an individual opinion and to clarify why it was written in a certain perspective (I always needed that as i write freaky stuff now and then).But here story writing is different from blogging.When it comes to this aspect,the story should speak for itself.Actually the person who wrote should be forgotten when reading it.Thats where the success of a story lies.

Nevertheless i need not feel ashamed,I am not here to explain the story and how it should be taken(its always for you to decide).Whereas i want to clarify how it was written and it should be received.One important thing that made me to write this is the string of questions that were asked when i wrote the first story(3 days with a dazzling damsel.).My friends asked me as if i'm seriously dating a girl (apdi endha nalla vishaymum nadakalingo!!  :P :P) and i have taken out an episode from that and wrote it here.My god!!!...

Would people think someone a criminal if he writes a detective story.Would a guy be called psychopath if he writes a psycho-thriller.If so Sidney Sheldon should be the worst psycho-path the world has ever seen. Very funny.Stories come out of imagination with what you know,what you see and what you hear.My try is one such.

Its true that there is a tinge of  reality in characterization.That is the guys character in the story can be slightly comparable with mine.(perhaps that why my friends mistook me).But i can't help.All first time writers tend to do this mistake.If writers themselves do this then you can't complain against a small time blogger  like me.And the girls character and the incidents are completely imaginary,trust me

I consciously wanted the girl character to have the exact opposite traits to that of the guy.If you look at it closely you will know it.(this what i hate...To explain instead of making the readers understand themselves.Have to improve on that)..But to answer my friends,if i see such a girl(who looks like angel to my eyes..) then need not worry i will propose directly the next minute.(Like vadivel.."ohhh...Udane Kidna vaaa") He he..But me saying that a girl looks like an angel?..Very tough..After all,Namma rangeku... :P :P

And coming back to this story,its an kinda sequel or extension to that story.I already told in the 50 th post that i have panned to re-write that story.But when i took i was not even able to cut a single word out of it.I may edit and prune paragraphs and pages before publishing.But after,i can not delete a comma..I felt it was the perfect that i had managed in that time and i can't tamper it now.So i took this idea of writing the same story in a different perspective,I have tried to narrate this in a girl's point of view. 

The one most difficult thing for a writer is to narrate a story in opposite gender's point of view.A girl writing a story narrating the story in a guy's perspective or a guy writing a story in girls perspective is challenging one.This is one thing i thought of trying and tried it.Having said that i was not much successful.For name sake the girl speaks but when i read not much of girlie things(excepts for some sentimentalities) are there in narration.

Hell...How less i know about girls?...This question popped up when i was writing.And as far the characterization is concerned..Nope..let me not explain anything...Please you read and decide for yourself and let me know...

One more thing i wanted people to know is that,I wrote this one  with the template of a standard short story.I mean i made sure it complies all the rules  a short story should have to meet.Before this i had my rules,my style was important for me.It may be called a freestyle writing...But when you try to break the rules you should know the rules and you should have obeyed those rules at least for sometime.Now i am doing that..So the rules will be broken again.. :P..

People say that my strong point is language but i have compromised that as the short stories should have a simple language.On the length,I think it is reasonable..It has 2600 words which is normal for a professional short story(if i can call it...)..As usual this underwent lot of edits...I started this on Jan 1( sitting all day before the computer with out even taking bath :P..But productive first day of the year)..I ended this like by 10 th stealing couple of hours of my time daily..And it took 3 complete days to edit.But the end result was good.Its readable for me.Hope its the same for you..Drop comments if you like it or if there is anything that you think i can improve.
Thanks for visiting!