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On MODIfying, Developing and Changing INDIA

There was a country, a country of spirited and adept men, finding itself in the path of recovery from the heavy blows of imperialistic pas...

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Been a long time that I wrote something in this space. Not because I was lazy,not because I had nothing to say but sheerly the fact that I was apprehensive about whatever I wrote stopped me from posting anything. Three to four half-written posts saved as drafts would testify.  I guess,the perfectionist attitude that I picked up lately and my emphasize for an unique content are the main reasons that held me back. To my dismay, my other writing catalyst which is the strong impulse or a sudden overwhelming feel on things also failed to inspire me to write. In short I was not touched,moved or antagonized by a larger degree in recent times.  If I pay enough attention I would know that this habit of mine meant I am surrendering myself completely to the ridiculous-mature-world of adults. And of course without a shard of doubt I would hate that,So I had to break the chains and write a post at least for being myself.

After making up my mind to write,I did not have much of difficulty in zeroing upon  a topic with this thing,the friendship day around the corner. I, for one, known for the posts I have written in the past on friendship, I thought it would be a fair idea to revisit my opinion on friendship. It looked worthy a undertaking to invest time and this post is just a result of it.

In retrospect when I see,all through the turn of time, friendship has always been projected as an entity,a bond which has a fixed definition despite its presence among different set of people across different age groups. Its definition has always been confined to the common perception and the common viewpoint accepted unanimously by everyone.  But at a quarter century of an age when I look back it looks odd. How can something that is so common and widespread can have a single whole interpretation. Personally if you ask me, I don’t think what I perceived as friendship when I shared a chocolate with a kid when I was three is as same as what I felt when I averted ogling at an attractive girl just because she was my friend's love interest.It is not even close to what I feel today as friendship when people of my age group are expected to shut themselves and bury their head being narrow minded in the name of making/saving their career.

Friendship has undergone a change.Like air,I have seen that friendships shrink and expand. Oddly it works in an opposite way. Even when the life’s demand is too much,even when life becomes hot bed of thorns the air of  friendship should expand and be in its glorious form but these days that is where the much undesirable contraction happens. I am not sure whether people are the ones to be blamed because they tend to go with the flow like a sheep in the herd to save itself from butcher's knife,they have to go with the socially accepted lifestyle to qualify to be called a “Social Animal”. In these circumstances if anything is to be blamed I guess it should be the wicked word called “Career”,a 20-th century invention to keep people from tasting real life and the society that has given an impression that the career is cornerstone of a man’s life.

So when I say my idea of friendship wouldn’t be anywhere near what I felt exactly a year before,I guess it is fair.  At this moment when I look back with all the years of experience,with all the accumulated sweet moments and prejudices I am at a loss of words and ideas to perceive friendship as it is. For instance,if I try to wipe out the clouds of common opinions, definitions that had been forced upon me and look in the deep recesses of my mind,I find that I could not describe friendship.

In those moments I resemble like a computer with a 512 MB Ram hanging in a limbo being not able to withstand the heavy process running in the background,looking all set to crash.  I have these two thoughts about friendship confronting each other, to outsmart one another every time. One says, from the recent experiences of  broken,failed bonds that friendship is never a perpetuating feel but something seasonal. Like one of those phases of listening to music where you are obsessed with a particular genre and move on to the next. It gives an impression that there is nothing called lifelong friendship.And that every single thing portrayed about friendship is like a tempting noon mirage to the thirsty pair of eyes in a sultry desert.

On the other hand, with the patience-personified-angels hanging on to me year after year despite my stupidity the other part argues that, Friendship is as real and as human as the blood oozing out from an aching wound. There had been/are people who had wronged all cynical thoughts about friendship and prove to be sun in the east of my mornings every single day glowing with love for which I owe them everything in life. With the argument between these two parts getting intense leaving me in a state of mental paralysis,one day I decided to retire from the world of chaos to go into my inner self and get an answer.

I sat back,took time and scrutinized my experiences to sort out things for myself. After a while I was able to see few things clearly. The foremost thing that came up in the analysis is that the intimacy between two people can never be the same and it shouldn’t be in any relationship. There should be ups and downs,there should be moments of anxiety without which it can not be real. In initial stages of every relationship the understanding and the intimacy tends to be  in an optimum level. As the time flies by, it tends to get stronger and that is where the problems starts to crop up. At a certain point the intimacy reaches its peak,it may be days or weeks or months. It stays in that peak level for a certain period of time and then this intimacy sows the seed for a casual mindset of taking the other for granted. The common reason given are like he/she is close they will understand me and I don’t need to be formal with him/her. This provokes a spark which ultimately leads to contradiction or some gap. 

This is common across all relationships and what happens after this differentiate between what I call as a seasonal friendship and lifelong friendship. In seasonal friendship the intimacy that has hit the roadblock will never be back on track. The long dormant ego that had slept during the days of  being close awakes. Sometimes apart from the ego , the extent to which someone is hurt also play a role. Both compete to prove tough leaving the relationship to die and in course of time the so called intimacy becomes a myth than a real thing that filled the heart.

Second thing that I felt strongly is that the notion that friendship is common despite gender which is all a hogwash. Basically I accept that friendship and the feel is the same but then the approach can not be the same. How much ever intimate a girl and boy may be , there is a line put forth by culture or basic manners or whatever that divides them. That is the reality.This difference,I can say, is felt strongly when the “taking for granted” phase comes in. Guys normally get offended when taken lightly and especially when it comes to a girl the offense factor just grow manifold. A guy turning his face and walking away is hell lot different from a girl doing the same. The other factor that makes the offense factor gargantuan despite whether it is a girl or boy is that friends doing silly stuff having known how much it will hurt us. Simply its not what is done but who has done it makes all the difference. Most of the times it is not only regret that you feel but anger too have its place.

Also what people do when they have difference of opinion some times makes you go mad. If some one had been so close with you for years  and act cool,be relaxed as if the difference did not affect them and when they act as if you don’t even exist may antagonize anyone and especially for a guy like me it will leave me in a raging mood. Personally sometimes I could not understand what people wanted from me or worse still what they want from me. But in a broader perspective honestly I am past those days where I go on rampaging mode or be mad at someone.  Those days are behind me, I have no time and most importantly I have far more bigger things pricking me now.

Moving on,the other thing is when two people share a bond sometimes it is very magical, very divine. And once any of the one involved do something stupid or when the above “taking for granted” phase happens leaving someone hurt,creating a gap that magic is lost forever. They can even get back later,apologize with each other and rejuvenate the relationship but the magic doesn’t come back,you don’t feel the intimacy as before. Sometimes its like a fragile golden thread that can not be glued back once it is snatched. So if your friendship with some one is delicate,innocent and humble make sure you handle it with care as you will handle something made of glass.

Finally I can say that,Friendship is like an egg shell covering a magical intimacy. Some relationships are like raw eggs where the magic is lost if the shell of intimacy cracks. And some relationships are like boiled eggs where the inner core remains unaffected even if the shell cracks.(I know it is a lousy example in a rather serious post but can’t think beyond now :-P).

To conclude,I guess most relationships fail because they don’t get past the above test of temperament. Unfortunately these kind of test of nerves are not one time phenomena but they come in cycles which in a way make you realizes the worth of friends. The life long relationships which I referred are the ones that see through these tests every single time. Happy to have few friends who are in that category. If there is anything that I feel good about which makes me feel I am a blessed soul then the presence of people of this kind should be the only reason in my otherwise bruised,tattered life at present.

 Though presented with a confusing notions about friendship,though the human condition has reduced to such a miserable state to mark a day for celebrating friendship despite celebrating it every single day I wanna say “Happy Friendship day” to everyone out there who loves me,who still remembers me though I hadn’t spent time with them, the ones who hates me and the ones who had conveniently forgotten me.

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