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On MODIfying, Developing and Changing INDIA

There was a country, a country of spirited and adept men, finding itself in the path of recovery from the heavy blows of imperialistic pas...

Me? Another random soul thrown into a random galaxy of this vast universe, a commoner, like million others, filled with illusory certainty about being, having the pair of eyes set on the monumental transcendence which is the supposed destiny, the rightful excellence or such, channeling everything - heart, mind, body and soul towards that one end, not caring about corroborating its ingenuity, not minding to know for certain that it was not his own or his generation's stroke of paranoia, a romanticized figment of imagination, letting himself perpetually day to day to be steered by nothing else than his own whims as he sails in this ocean of life in a vessel of chance. 

Nah? Okay, the gist is, I am not somebody that important to know about :P 

So where did all this - this lunacy of cerebration, this crudity of abstract expressions and this bad manners of wildly dizzying composition, start?  

Multiple sources of origin here - my nature, pure chance, boredom and bingo the bad word destiny- but if I have to choose one then it should be the Orkut -which is on its deathbed now as I write this - about me. Yeah, that's where it all started though there were sparks all along that did not turn into a full-fledged fire early on. And then one day at the height of joblessness it happened, this very blog, the beautiful, the ever-lovable darling, my muse, my sanctuary, my stage of theatricality or how I once described it in one of my posts Not only a cozy cotton pillow that comforted me but also as a punching bag. Perhaps the best possible description I can offer is, it is my alter ego where I dissect myself and pour my heart out. (yeah that's exactly the way I write when it comes to this blog - from thoughts to words unedited. Myriad post stand proof ;) )

So there I was an individual with nothing but time and words, writing stupid stuff, from the universe saving essentials to downright personal that merited to be lettered only between the covers of a diary, but what the hell - this is me or rather my alter ego turning even the faintest of my whims into reality, into sentences and words. 

And after a while I tried my hands at fiction and I found - to my sick pleasure I might add - that there is nothing better than the possibilities offered by fiction to present a case and there is no better vehicle to carry the truth independently with all its complexity than writing fiction. Plus the absolute bliss, the irresistible sensuousness of the form that is the possibility of presenting the story in unthinkable ways attracted me to fiction. Then, I wrote some -no a lot to be honest- stupid, downright ridiculous short stories - on second thoughts few of them can be defended - until Time's Lost Atlas happened.

I still remember, on a January night or rather morning 2 A.M, after clicking my way through pages of websites and lengths of videos about 9/11 I sat down to write, stringing together words that filtered through my aesthetics, imagining myself to be some great writer from 1930s - Kalki influence I guess - about a simple but effective old school story. Funny how that midnight whim turned into my voice - Yeah, voice... Don't freak out like I did when I first heard about the voice of a writer - I am not trying to be a singer dammit I thought-back then :P. And ever since I am trying to improve myself and advance my writing career one small but important step at a time.

And about me?

Yeah, I am the guy that doesn't do the things that should be done by that time, the guy who does something else. For instance reading Sidney Sheldon's Naked face before an University Exam, blogging during day time when I should be sleeping after a night shift, reading a book when I should be writing something, watching a movie when I should be reading a book, writing something when I should be making a movie - yeah I am a wanna be short film maker with an unreleased project and slew of ideas/scripts under the belt :P-, buried between the panels of a laptop when I should be socializing with fellow creatures, working while I should be reminding my family that I am still there, alive and many such nonsense. 

 In a word, I am a mess.

So this is me, a forty plus trapped in a twenty plus body fooling around behaving like a sixteen plus. Yeah, that's me, a combination of contradictions, an epitome of confusions, a lost child in search of the path, a slow and steady work-in-progress, hoping that one of these days contradictions will cancel themselves out, confusions will evaporate. Or maybe it is stupid to reach to a conclusion, to settle on one end of the spectrum, perhaps to stay afloat in the middle grounds fighting polarities is all about being human. ( Oh, yeah, I philosophize too, a lot indeed :P)

That's all about this small me and this is My Blabs. :)


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